im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
