alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
