Sry I called you an 8
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
