I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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