Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
