No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
