2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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