Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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