I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
