I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
