ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
