His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
tell me about the eggs
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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