I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I don't think brook has ever known best
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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