remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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