I skipped work to stalk him.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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