awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The beer is more important than you right now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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