last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My pussy is not your playground.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
