I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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