I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
