dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
