I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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