3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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