all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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