Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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