grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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