Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
