In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
