So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
