you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
