Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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