we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
