Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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