i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just found puke in my bra..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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