I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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