When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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