Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
