My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
