the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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