You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
