Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
