So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
