you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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