Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
