once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
