Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
