It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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