Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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