FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
