I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
did i walk over a car last night?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
