When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
