I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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