is your mom at the bar?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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