I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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