yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
