He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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