Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
