You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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