My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize