After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
